By Theo Collins and Haisla Collins [First verse traditional]
If you want to get to heaven let me tell you what to do
You got to grease your feet in a little chicken stew
Slide out of the devil’s hand
Ooze over to the promised land
Take it easy, kid. But go greasy.
Now let me tell you people what is giving me the blues
I’ve been turned down, beat up, slandered and abused
I got nine people suin’ me,
Eleven cops pursuin’ me
Plus fourteen angry husbands, with rifles and dogs.
Ain’t no one can convince me that I have to work so hard
I don’t need a Cadillac in my back yard
I got no itchin’ achin’
For no movin’ or a-shakin’
The world’s so shook up now, some parts are comin’ loose.
I once was young and foolish and I led a life of riot
Whiskey, mayhem, rock ‘n’ roll were all my daily diet
And the finest of the sinnin’
Was in the company of women
‘Course I ain’t any wiser. Just slower.
I’ve preached and planted, doctored, ranted, modeled sexy underwear
In-lawed here, outlawed there, rode shotgun on a polar bear
A thousand anecdotes or two
I’m bustin’ now to tell to you
Stick around, kid. You’ll hear them all twice. (Three times. Four times. Five times.)
Well, now you’ve heard me story and there’s hardly any lies
I only bent the truth a bit for the element of surprise
I ain’t no politician
Anglin’ for a high position
You can always tell when a politician is lying. His lips move.
© 2006 by Theo Collins and Haisla Collins